This is a difficult test for both spouses, especially if there are children. A few manages to part in a good way and maintain civilized relations. How to avoid irreparable mistakes?
To everyone who goes through divorce, it would be good to keep in their heads the so -called guide to action. Perhaps you will come in handy for tips based on research and many years of practice of psychologist Alan Blotsky, who specializes in such situations.
1. Try to keep calm and quarrel as little as possible with your spouse. Do not look for reasons for the scandal. Be firm, but reasonable. Decisive, but friendly.
2. Do not draw children into conflicts between you. Communicate with each other directly, and not through the child, do not make it your weapon. He should not hear how you exchange “courtesies”. Do not criticize your spouse with children.
3.Talk to several lawyers. Choose the one who understands your needs and desires, do not hesitate to ask uncomfortable questions. Show active, this is your right.
4.Ask friends to recommend a good lawyer. “Saranfan Radio” is a great way to find an expert, do not rely only on a loud name on the Internet.
5.Make sure children get love, care and attention. Communicate with them, talk heart. It is very important to express emotions, set an example of an open manifestation of feelings.
6. To disperse without mutual claims is the best possible option. The divorce proceedings can be completed by a settlement agreement – discuss this with your lawyer.
7.Do not rush to sign a decision to divorce if it does not suit you. A document fastened with signatures is almost impossible to change. Do not give in to the persuasion of lawyers and do not agree that supposedly everything can be decided retroactively. No.
8. The divorce proceedings can last several months, or even longer. If you avoid conflicts and rivalry, the case will go much faster. Do not fight just for the sake of a fight and do not let this lawyers.
9.Peretnit divorce – expensive “pleasure”. The sooner it ends, the less you will have to spend.
10.Look for a good psychotherapist. This will help to cope with despair, guilt, fear, anger and hopelessness. Turning to a specialist is power, not weakness.
eleven. Grandplaces, teachers and other adults should not warm up the negative reaction of children to divorce. Talk to them and ask to take a caring, but neutral position.
12. Do not be silent, talk more often with your family and friends. Communicating with people, we feel better. In addition, this helps to resist hasty decisions and not slide into destructive behavior.
13. Have fun. Laugh. Smile. Do not focus on divorce, do not turn it into your main job. Take a pleasure from life.
14. Do not start new novels until you divorce. This is a bad idea, in every sense: you risk complicating everything.
15. The happier you are, the happier the children. They will definitely respond to your positive attitude. Be optimistic, higher head. Believe in a bright future and share it with your child.
16. Great if you agree on joint education. But for this, both parents must be responsible and consistent. There is nothing better for the child – provided that everything is done correctly, that is, when diluted parents are closely communicated and collaborate.
17. Parallel education can also be a good option. However, in this case, each parent itself, no or almost no interaction. If the expectations and the home way are very different, the child will be hard. But if the mother and father have similar views, such a style of education is quite suitable.
18. Do not be a selfish or jealous parent. Do not say and do nothing that would make the ex-spray defend or attack. Do not slander the former (former). The child wants to love you both, let it be so. No need to interfere: after all, when we try to harm the former, we are primarily harmful to children.
19. To raise a child normally, you need to be patient, calm and mature yourself. By the way, another reason to look for a psychotherapist.
20. The divorce proceedings will end one day. Do not talk and do not do what you have to regret.
Try that everything goes as easier and smarter as possible – for you, children and the former. The benefits will be huge.
Of course, not everyone is suitable for all of the listed advice. But still these are universal, proven rules. Use them to think about your situation.